Pre-baby fears and thoughts

I have decided to write a post about any fears or thoughts that I think about pretty often as time comes closer and closer to having a son. At 38 weeks, he could be here any day and even though I know that it is still early, I feel like stranger things have happened and it is just a waiting game at this point.

I write these blog posts mainly for myself. I don't expect tons of people to read them or relate to them or for any of my posts to make it onto Pinterest. I really just think it would be great to look back on. Especially this post. Hopefully a year from now I will read it and laugh and most of these questions or fears will be answered or my feelings about them will have changed.

First of all, I have to say that I am BEYOND blessed to have had such an easy and healthy pregnancy as well as a healthy baby. There has never been any issues or trouble with me or him and for that I am thankful. Everyone has troubles in their lives or issues that they are working through and one quote that always made me thankful for my life was "If everyone were to throw their problems into a big pile, you would want yours back". I have always worried and stressed but when I think about the possibility of something being wrong with Nathan it is a whole other level of fear and I would take my current problems over having an unhealthy baby any day. Any mom that had severe struggles in their pregnancy or with their newborn or slight ones, I salute you. You are one STRONG momma! However, with that being said, it still hasn't hit me that he is an actual living being inside of me. yes I feel him move and yes I can usually tell which body part is where and when we saw his 3D sonogram we got a glimpse of all of his features (which totally resemble the Lewis family by the way.. Good thing my hubby is pretty good looking ;)) but its hard to imagine what is about to happen in the next few weeks and how differently life will change.

I read on a blog about a month ago where someone was pretty much in the same stage as me and she described this phase as "waiting to get hit by a truck". Obviously not meaning for it to sound like a horrible thing that is about to happen but life is about to be so different for the rest of our lives.. it is like standing in the middle of the street KNOWING that you are about to get hit by this truck but not knowing when.  I have no doubt that it will be a truck filled with tears, laughter, joy other trucks for Nathan to play with and baseballs and good and bad times but it is little crazy to think about when or how this will all go down.

Everyone has their birth stories whether it is being induced, their water breaking in public, something dramatic or something low key. I am so anxious to know what my story will be.

Once Nathan arrives, I feel like I will have so many questions. Maybe not all at once but over time so many things will happen and I wont know what to do or how to handle them. I know I probably speak for everyone when I say that my mom always has the answers. Good or bad situations, if I call her, she knows what to do and what to say to make things better. I want so badly to be that mom for my little boy. For him to know that no matter what happens, I will be able to help in some way. I know that motherhood is a growing experience and yes people talk about "motherly instincts" but I am just being real when I say, its a little terrifying to be in charge of another human life. Even when he grows up, moves away and gets married I will still feel responsible.

I know I am getting ahead of myself when I write some of this because it is a long ways away before I need to start worrying about Nathan and the kind of man he will be. There are so many stages and life events before then, but I will always pray for him to be a GOOD man. Someone with a kind heart who never says anything negative or bad about someone.. Just like his dad. Eric is truly one of the sweetest men I will ever know. I don't think I have ever heard him say something negative about someone. I pray that Nathan is a HARD worker. Someone that knows that good things comes to those who pray and work hard for them. I pray that he knows he can do whatever it is that he wants to do and that there is more to life than being good at sports or being popular. Those things will fade over time and what is left of him will determine the man that he is. I hope that he is a gentleman and knows how to treat women. I pray that he is a good Christian man. I pray that he leads his wife and future kids in that direction and isn't afraid to talk about the Lord to anyone and is willing to spread the word every day that he can. And of course I pray that I can be the mother and that Eric can be the father that lead Nathan to be this person and that we do everything we possibly can to instill these qualities and characteristics into our little boy. Seems like a lot of pressure on a parent!

It is hard to believe that he isn't even born and I am worried about his life as a teenager or an adult. I am sure this is normal and it isn't like I sit and worry about this day in and day out but its a reality that will come sooner than I am ready for.

There are so many other questions and fears I have in these next two weeks (or possibly less). I know for a fact that Eric and I will leave the hospital with Nathan in his car seat and we will look at each other with the expression of "now what?" "they just let us leave with this little human and trust we know what we are doing?" It could truly be the blind leading the blind on this whole deal but one thing I have always said is that no matter how bad labor and delivery is or how rough the first month to 4 months are.. I want to find the humor  in it all. I want to be able to laugh about it because someone is going through so much worse. Sleepless nights or a painful long delivery are all bound to happen and there will come a time when my newborn is a 6 month old turned toddler turned teenager and I will have wished I enjoyed those newborn moments a little more. This rough phase we are about to enter is inevitable... It just is what it is and there is no turning back now.

Of course I worry about things that will be happening soon, such as how my labor will start, breast feeding, life with a newborn and if he will be fussy. Finding a schedule once I go back to work, dropping him off at day care, what formula to use once I stop breast feeding. Worrying if he is still breathing at night and how to relax and give it all to Him during this time, knowing that he is being taken care of. I worry about how much tummy time to give him or how to swaddle correctly. How will he interact with our dogs and how will they interact with him?

There are so many other things that I think about on a daily basis and even though I have been told NUMEROUS times to enjoy these last two weeks, I am ready. I am ready to meet him. I am ready to be his mom and go through the tough and good times with him. I am ready to see Erics face as he meets our son for the first time. I am ready to love Eric in a totally different way as I see what kind of amazing father he is and how much our son resembles him. I know I will have questions and I know new fears will pop up along the way but I have prayed for a family of my own for a long time and I am so ready to begin that chapter. The good, the bad and the ugly. So in other words.. I think I am ready to get hit by this truck.

38 weeks...

Here is a quick little 38 week update! Ready to meet my baby boy!

How far along? 38 weeks
How big is he? The size of a leek? No clue what that is. At our 36 week appointment we were told he weighed approximately 6 lbs and 1 oz. which is about 50%.
Best moment of the week - Finishing up the nursery and getting final paperwork signed at the hospital. It's all just a waiting game at this point.
Trouble Sleeping? Yessss. Whats new though. Some nights are worse than others and sometimes it is because I can't shut my brain off, other nights its because every time I fall into a deep sleep I wake myself up by snoring... not to mention still getting up to use the restroom every 3 hours. This may be my body preparing me for whats to come.. no sleep!
Miss Anything? Definitely missing regular clothes. I hate not having anything to wear or putting on decent clothes and feeling huge.
Movement? Yes still lots of movement. The past couple of days I have had a couple scares where he didn't move like I was thinking he should but all is good!
Food Cravings? No cravings other than I still need my large ice water with extra ice from Sonic at least once a day. Watermelon and cherries have been great too!
Belly Button in or out? Out fo sho.
Symptoms? Definitely starting to feel those braxton hicks when I walk or am on my feet for a while. Once I sit down and rest they usually stop though.
Wedding ring on/off? Off :( This has been such a bummer for me these past two months. I love my ring and hate not wearing it!
Happy or Moody? Pretty happy lately
Looking forward to? Getting the show on the road!!

35 weeks and our Baby Shower!

We had our baby shower this past weekend and it was so perfect! I can't thank everyone enough for coming (especially my two good friends Lauren and Joni who travelled from the DFW area) and for all the special gifts! 

The day after the shower Eric and I went straight to Babies R Us to use our giftcards and now it's all about getting the nursery together- pictures will be coming soon when it's all finished. 

I didn't get a whole lot of pictures of the shower unfortunately but here are a few: 

And here is my 35 week bump picture- home stretch!!

How far along? 35 weeks

How big is he?  Size of a honeydew melon or around 5lbs. 

Best moment of the week- Baby Shower! 

Trouble sleeping? Not sleeping very well. Constantly getting up in the middle of the night and I tend to wake myself up snoring. So annoying!

Miss anything?  Pretty much everything at this point! 

Movement? Yes and the poor guy is running out of room. When he moves it's a little uncomfortable. 

Food cravings? Still Ice Water and Sonics crushed ice. 

Belly button in or out? Out 

Symptoms? Swollen, Lower back pain and some pressure in my lower stomach. 

Happy/Moody? Still a little moody.. What's new. 

Looking forward to? Our sonogram in a couple weeks and putting the finishing touches on the nursery! 

Not baby related: also super excited for Joni's wedding this weekend!! Can't wait to celebrate!

34 weeks

How far along? 34 weeks

How big is he?  Size of a cantelope! 

Best moment of the week- getting our bedding and some decor for the nursery in the mail! Ready to see it all come together. 

Trouble sleeping? Off and on, some nights I sleep really well and others I am constantly going to the bathroom and can't shut off my brain. 

Miss anything?  Lately, mostly wearing my wedding ring. 

Movement? Yes, you can tell he is getting so much bigger because it's slower movement and more rolling of the shoulders and elbows!

Food cravings? Ice water!! It has to have ice though or I don't want it. I have even wanted cups of crushed ice to eat, which is weird because my mom always said the only thing she craved was ice chips!

Belly button in or out? Mostly outie, not all the way though. 

Symptoms? Swollen and my back really hurts after doing anything "active" and being on my feet.  

Happy/Moody? Little moody, all is good though!

Looking forward to? Looking forward to my baby shower and our next sonogram in a couple weeks! 

31 weeks and a little life update

I take so long to update my blog that I tend to forget what all we have been up to since my last post.. But here is my attempt! 

First of all- Eric and I went down to Dallas for Luke's 2nd Birthday. I can't even tell you how excited I get to see Brent and his family. It's just not right living away from your brother, sister-in-law and your precious nephews. Luke LOVES fire trucks and any other form of public transportation, so Brent and Julie were able to get a real fire truck to their house for all of the kids to see and go inside! All of his pictures are on my real camera but I did get a couple on my phone of the boys and everyone else that weekend. 

Those boys are the sweetest things ever. They have set the bar pretty high in cuteness & how well they behave.. Let's hope Nathan can take after his older cousins! 

Here is one of Eric and I that weekend.. I consider this my 28 week bump picture! 

We have been working on getting the nursery all together and even though we are still missing some things- here is the progress so far! 

We put up some new blinds.. The other ones were super cheap and broken. I think it really helps make the room more cozy. I am thinking we will eventually put a valance above the windows but it isn't a priority right now. 

And yes I do find it ridiculous that Nathan has a huge flat screen in his nursery but we had it in our guest bedroom and never used it so we figured it might be nice to watch a little tv during our midnight/early morning feedings or if we just wanna rock our sweet boy in his room :) 

I am going to go ahead and do my 31 week update... I can't believe we only have 9 weeks to go. As of June 1st we are 2 months away from meeting our precious baby boy!! 

Here is my 31 week picture- 

How far along? 31 weeks

How big is he?  One website says coconut another says a pineapple. Either way he is a little over 3 pounds.  

Best moment of the week- being done with school for the summer and getting the PE job at Bonham.. Wahoo!

Trouble sleeping? No trouble sleeping at all, I do wake up at least once a night to use the restroom though. 

Miss anything?  Definitely regular clothes.. I have a feeling this won't go away. Oh and my wedding ring fitting like it use to :( 

Movement? Yes he is active all of the time! I love to watch my stomach move. Sometimes I wonder what he is thinking when he is practically doing flips in my stomach? 

Food cravings? No cravings really. Either things sound good to me or they sound horrible.. That's about it though. 

Belly button in or out? Still not a full outie, it's struggling though. 

Symptoms? Swollen and really beginning to enter that overall uncomfortable stage. 

Wedding ring on/off? On but not for long. 

Happy/Moody? Relatively happy! 

Looking forward to? My baby shower in about a month and getting the nursery all ready to go! Also, counting down the days until we get out next/last sonogram! 

3rd trimester!

I can't believe I am already in the third trimester, time has truly flown by and I have moments of sheer joy and then pure terror! I cannot WAIT to see what the little dude looks like! I know that once we have him here it will be utter chaos and will be the most amazing, rewarding and hardest thing we have ever done, but so worth it :) 

Eric and I really haven't been doing much lately, my 6th year of coaching club volleyball has finally ended and it's hard to believe that I won't be doing it again next year (or at least I say that now). I have to say that this was such a unique year of coaching for me. I like to blame it on the hormones but these girls were always making me so emotional! They were truly the sweetest, hard working group of girls and they came out and surprised EVERYONE with their talent. I don't think any one expected them to be top contenders in the 12s age group and ended up taking 4th at a national qualifier and winning multiple tournaments. The last practice we had together the girls brought cookies and each wrote me a letter. The letters were so sweet and of course made me cry like a baby. One of the girls started out her letter by saying "Coach Brittany, you are so beautiful". I mean how sweet is that? Here is a picture of me and my girls at our last practice: 

Here is a quick photo of the sign the girls made and put on my hotel door at our last tournament

And here we are after our last tournament... Even though it didn't turn out as expected we had such a great year and I was BEYOND proud of every single player! 

Lastly, for anyone that has ever coached school or club ball you will understand my appreciation when I say that I had THE MOST amazing parents this year. They were so supportive and stood by my decisions and coaching style all year long and I am so grateful for that. It was such a great year that I almost want to retire from coaching so that I can end my coaching career on such a good note ;) 

Lastly, here is my baby update :) 

How far along? 27 weeks

How big is he?  Rutabaga or about 2 pounds 

Best moment of the week- having a 4 day work week and going to Dallas this weekend! 

Trouble sleeping? No trouble sleeping, just the occasional waking up to use the restroom and the struggle of turning from side to side. 

Miss anything?  Regular clothes :( I want my body back! 

Movement? Yes!! All of the time and now that he is getting bigger I feel like I can almost feel which body part is where!

Food cravings? Still no cravings, chick fil a always hits the spot though.. OH and watermelon... I may or may not have taken a small round watermelon out all by myself. 

Belly button in or out? Its a halfie I would say. 

Symptoms? Hands are already swelling :( 

Wedding ring on/off? On but usually comes off when I get home 

Happy/Moody? Little moody because of some stress but other than that relatively happy

Looking forward to? A great weekend with family in Dallas and some shopping for baby boy! 

Here are my 24 and 25 week photos which are the most recent ones. 

Next post will be tons of pictures from Luke's bday party and family and friends! Cannot wait!! :) 

22 weeks!

I was 22 weeks on Friday and can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going by! Eric and I cannot wait to meet our sweet baby boy! 

How far along? 22 weeks 

How big is he? Size of a papaya (about 12/13 oz) 

Best moment of the week- The baby has really started kicking more & more & I could even see my stomach move! 

Trouble sleeping? No 

Miss anything? I am starting to wonder what it was like to have a flat stomach.. 

Movement? Yes! 

Food cravings? No not really

Belly button in or out? It is in, but the struggle of it staying in is real. It will soon be an outtie.

Symptoms? No symptoms... Just been occasionally having some sort of hot flashes & getting light headed. 

Wedding ring on/off? On 

Happy/Moody? Little more sensitive to things these days 

Looking forward to? Getting the nursery together! 

Here is a 22 week picture: